How often do you see men expressing their feelings? The answer is not enough.
By Caitlin Baker | @c8linbaker
27/11/2022
Our society has chosen to disregard men's feelings, why? Is it because they need to 'man up'?
That's absolute bollocks and we both know it.
Males account for three-quarters of suicide deaths registered in 2021 with the suicide ASMR for males in England and Wales being 16.0 deaths per 100,000; consistent with rates between 2018 and 2020. These statistics show that men's mental health is no joke.
November is Men's Mental Health Month, a month dedicated to enlightening people on men's mental health. Personally, I myself am not aware of many people showing their support during November. I will see the odd Instagram post here and odd Twitter post there but no real, fundamental support. No advocation for change.
Fiona Yassin, a writer for 'Psychreg', decided to declare five toxic phrases we need to stop saying to our sons, "the often totally innocent, yet toxic everyday phrases."
1.'Don't be so sensitive'
2.'Man up'
3.'Big boys don't cry'
4.'Boys don't do that/ play that'
5.'Why can't you be more like your big brother?'
Why are these phrases deemed by society as acceptable? the same phrases over and over again engraved into minds by the time they are men. The same people repeating these phrases are the same to sit and wonder why men are so cold and heartless. Throughout the years, society has dictated what men should feel and has proceeded to shame them for stepping out of bounds, 'mens mental health month isnt a real thing. nobody actually cares about your feelings fellas hit the gym.'
'Man up' they say.
'suck it up' they say.
'Don't be so sensitive' they say.
Well I'm saying no.
'Priority', the leading independent provider of behavioural care the UK asked men why they don't talk about their mental health:
‘I’ve learnt to deal with it’ (40%)
‘I don’t wish to be a burden to anyone’ (36%)
‘I’m too embarrassed’ (29%)
‘There’s negative stigma around this type of thing’ (20%)
‘I don’t want to admit I need support’ (17%)
‘I don’t want to appear weak’ (16%)
You don't want to appear weak?
They don't want to appear weak people.
Men would rather suffer, possibly resulting in suicide because they don't want to appear weak.
What have we as a society become?
“I’ve been in therapy for years. I’m handling my issues head-on, not running from them...I was so scared for so long to say that because society has lead me to believe that my anxiety is stupid and shouldn't be talked about.” - Logic (rapper, singer and songwriter)
Dr Natasha Bijlani, a Consultant Psychiatrist at Priory Hospital Roehampton, spoke to priority and stated, “Traditionally, men have been less likely to seek support for mental health issues. This is probably for a number of reasons including stigma and the traditional ‘strong male’ stereotype still prevalent in our society – the idea that expressing emotion is a sign of weakness."
We need to stop upholding such a hostile environment for men to share their feelings. Toxic masculinity is a result of our actions. Toxic masculinity can be defined as men feeling the need to fit negative stereotypes portrayed by society. This can lead to men thinking they have to be macho, sexist and all out dickheads. This has a negative impact on everyone. We all suffer from toxic masculinity but it's up to us to stop it, to stop contributing towards it.
Showing emotion is not being 'weak' or 'fragile', it's being human.
As Ghandi said, 'We need to be the change we want to see in the world.' Everyone needs to be advocating for men to share their feelings.
Men's mental health is no joke. We need to stop treating men with stereotypes such as 'men don't cry', what's that all about? Enforcing these stereotypes have a negative impact on everyone. Suicide is killing 74% of UK men, I don't think there's possibly a bigger shout for help. Men hold on to their issues and don't seek help because society has deemed that any man with mental health issues should be deemed weak, it's emasculating. What will it take? Numerous people such as celebrities and professionals have stated that society highly contributes towards the stigma around their mental health. Stop enforcing stereotypes in order to save lives.
Men suffer with mental illness too.
Don't let your dad, brother, son, uncle, grandad, cousin or friend become a statistic.
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